Just came home from the funeral parlor. A brother who went back out and used again od'ed on Friday. It was a bummer. We road together to Laconia and had a wonderful time. He was a newcomer to NA but we hit it off well. I knew his pain and I so wanted him to know my joys.
I called him a week or so ago to see if he was ready to come back to the rooms, he wasn't so i asked him if he just wanted to ride.He didn't.
On Thursday he was using (oxysomethings) and his ole lady said he just all of a sudden started to cough, and then jumped up and started breaking up the trailer house, and she left for a walk and then returned to finf him face down in vommit and blood , stone cold dead.
At the wake his daughter read a poem he had written to her from de tox ..it was beautiful, and then she read her poem to him that she wrote after he died. It *ucked us all up.He left her (around 16) and a son who was early teens. I hate this f*king dis~ease. It has no mercy.
And for those o us who have danced with death for so many years the lesson is that ultimately Mr D wins.....
Serenity912 write:
I lost a dear friend 10 days ago...but he died almost 19 years clean in NA. As sad as his passing was, his power of example was what we all held on to and sent him out with a procession of loud bikes.
The f**ked part of this disease is my addict mind keeps saying to me the end is all the same anyway, so why not?? I know that's ill and go to another meeting and call my ladies....but sometimes it's harder than others. You all seem like you really support each other here and I think that is wonderful. PeaceOut/Serenity
Hey Serenity,
I know what you mean, it is when the disease speaks to me in my own voice that it is hardest to recognise.
But in the end it isn't how we die that matters, just the quality of life we lived!
Peace
Today I'm going to a funeral. It is a brother I rode with many years ago. We were in a sober club called the X Winos. I hopefully will see friends I've seen in a while, funerals seem to do that. It is that time in life where I fear this will be a more common.
Spyder
hey Billy,
How is life in Placerville? Used to run down that way in the 70's... bought a panhead just outside of Placerville around 78... it cost $2500...rode it for a couple of years..
Been sober a few years and one of the things I know is:when anyone anywhere dies of this disease it buys us one more day of sobriety, I honor those people. Billy J
Steve_FLSTF write:
My thoughts are with you.
Its a horrible loss especially when there are children involved. We are lucky...maybe someday we will all meet in that great gig in the sky with the ones we have lost.
~ God willing and the Creek don't rise I will be sober 18 years on Jan 28th, still have the glass I took my last drink in. Take care!
Steve
Hey Sober Brother ~ So sorry about BOTH deaths. So many of us don't make it and the longer we get to stick around on this side of the grass, the more people we end up burying. And the family members left behind!...always in my prayers.
I just left V-day flowers for my little brother who OD'd at our mother's house coming up on 2 years ago.
I couldn't get him clean and his Maker took him home and away from all this pain. It never stops hurting all together, but we stay here another day to help eachother walk the walk, right?
Hi Steve,
Yeah this disease can be fatal, and I for one am grateful to have a chance to sit it out! I was talking with an old buddy the other day and we started to list all of our running partners that have succomed to drugs(and alcohol) over the years . The list is very long!
How did you make out with the flooding? I used to run in that area. I have lived in Guerneville and Rio Nido.Spent a lot of time down at Michaels Cycles, had a 56 pan, FLH and converted it to a belt drive (primary) ... can't remeber why LMFAO, but it was never the same again!
That was around '75.
Be well Laugh often and Ride safe!
tree
My thoughts are with you.
Its a horrible loss especially when there are children involved. We are lucky...maybe someday we will all meet in that great gig in the sky with the ones we have lost.
~ God willing and the Creek don't rise I will be sober 18 years on Jan 28th, still have the glass I took my last drink in. Take care!
Steve
treecutter write:
And so tonight I come back here to say that at my Monday meeting I found out that yet another buddy, Washingtonville Phil went out last thursday and was found odied by his elderly Mother at 3:30 this afternoon....Phil was 45 and had used for 25 yeras, had a year clean went back out and had just picked up a 6 month keychain,
he left a 10 year old daughter ...
Geez Treecutter!
I'm sorry to hear that - Our halls hold a lot of tragedy in them dont they?
Was he with you in Laconia too?
And how do YOU sit with it all? O.K. I hope.
Better him than you, but you know that, right?
I say that even tho knowing deep down that it probably is better on the other side - I sure hope so...This side sure can be hard.
treecutter write:
And so tonight I come back here to say that at my Monday meeting I found out that yet another buddy, Washingtonville Phil went out last thursday and was found odied by his elderly Mother at 3:30 this afternoon....Phil was 45 and had used for 25 yeras, had a year clean went back out and had just picked up a 6 month keychain,
he left a 10 year old daughter ...
Oh Tree...How very sad...sigh...I'm so sorry...Hugs...
treecutter write:
And so tonight I come back here to say that at my Monday meeting I found out that yet another buddy, Washingtonville Phil went out last thursday and was found odied by his elderly Mother at 3:30 this afternoon....Phil was 45 and had used for 25 yeras, had a year clean went back out and had just picked up a 6 month keychain,
he left a 10 year old daughter ...
And so tonight I come back here to say that at my Monday meeting I found out that yet another buddy, Washingtonville Phil went out last thursday and was found odied by his elderly Mother at 3:30 this afternoon....Phil was 45 and had used for 25 yeras, had a year clean went back out and had just picked up a 6 month keychain,
he left a 10 year old daughter ...
HB,
I am sorry for you and everyone else that is affected by this dis~ ease that drives us to destruction, In reality it is a family disease that affects evryone around us.
Today I went riding with all my NA buddies, and the last time we all wre together was at Laconia. I have to say that I often thought and think of Sam.!
hotblond85213 write:
I lost a good friend one month ago- who chose to go back out.......He overdosed in his house- alone....I know your pain....
Rhonda
hey T -
sad story, I remember him asking me if he thought she would like the shirts he bought her -
You never expect it ...I can't imagine how she felt-
At least he is at peace.
There but for the grace of God... Treecutter.
I wish you one day a* a time for as many days as you shall live.
A prayer for your brother's family and for you as well.
We were made no huge promises when we put it all down, just that life would be more manageable.
Today, I feel that peace only comes a* the end, when we pass to the other side.
But it does matter in what state we pass over.
May God grant us all another and then another day.
Be well brother.
(I was just told by BK not to use a-t.
I really am in no mood right now for all this sh*t.)
I'm so sorry! This is a horrible disease. My heart bleeds a little everytime I hear about the ones that didn't make it, whether I know them or not. Be well Tree. Watch after yourself. Peace.
i am sorry for the pain that this has caused you and his family--my heart aches for ya'll
unfortuately this is a disease that only those that have it possess the ability to put it into and to maintain it's remission--and from all i know with the help of the rooms and those who also occupy the rooms is one of the best ways to maintain it
